Ten years ago my teacher (who has the ability to see more than most humans) told me that one
day I would meet my life partner and that I would not be able to play my usual games with him.
“Games?” My ego raised its eyebrows.
I realized he was talking directly to the part of me that had found a way to feel safe in relationships.
I’m not talking about the healthy and necessary kind of safety that makes a good relationship possible and sustainable, but the false kind.
See, my winning formula was to not show my true feelings.
I played it safe by going with the flow and if I got hurt, I’d do one of the following:
1. Blame the other person
2. Withdraw to my solitude
3. Laugh, forgive too quickly, and move on
This game kept me cool.
This game allowed me to recover easily after a breakup.
I had managed to protect my most precious asset: my heart.
But there comes a point where we all need to choose:
To either stay safe or to break open.
When my life partner eventually showed up, every single word my teacher had said became reality.
(I still have the recording of that session.)
I remember the following day so clearly:
We were having a “minor moment” – a disagreement of some kind – and my feelings got hurt.
I was about to take the #2 approach, but he interrupted me and got very serious.
“If you are not going to learn to share your feelings with me, we are not going to last,” he said.
“This is not fair,” my miserable little big ego whispered.
“You’re being manipulated! Don’t do it!,” it continued.
Well, it turns out that was the day I had to stop playing my games.
I don’t believe we have to heal every aspect of ourselves in order to “attract our match.”
Some original hurts are too deep and need the loving presence of the other to prove all the other voices wrong.
Yes, you are loveable just as you are.
No, I’m not going to run away after I get to know the real you.
Yes, I trust this process.
No, I’m not going to let you get away with that behavior.
The real question is not: “Are you ready to find your match?”
The real question is: “Are you ready to do what’s necessary when that person shows up?”
And usually, you are.
When it’s the real deal, you know.
True love breaks all walls.
It demands your surrender.
But it does not happen on its own.
It still requires your availability.
Your readiness to be wrong.
And your generosity.
Because ultimately, at its best, a good relationship is devotional.
You can either try to fit the ocean into your cup,
Or – you can throw your cup into the ocean.
Sometimes this takes help, and you need to try something new.
I'm here to help.