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I know how you must be feeling.

I can feel your wet cheeks, because a river has poured down MY face.
I can feel your emptiness, because that same emptiness has haunted ME.
I can feel your loss, because I’ve lost, too.

And I can feel that deep yearning in your soul for more:

More self-expression.
More presence.
More unapologetic creativity – free from grief + shame + regret + disappointment.

I need you to know that you’re not alone.

And not only that, but it’s OK to feel the way you do.

Take a deep breath, because what I’m going to say next may be unexpected and upsetting:

What has happened cannot be changed.
But one thing you can change . . . is you.

It’s about you reclaiming your right to walk in alignment with who you truly are.

Keep breathing . . .

Listen: There are no wrong choices, there are only choices. And until we face those things that we least want to face, we remain victims. I don’t want that for you.

In my journey, I eventually found myself in a place where I had no other choice:

I had to stop fighting, grieving and believing I was powerless.

You see, it wasn’t until I fell pregnant in the first place that I FINALLY asked myself: Am I living a lie? Why is it that the things I so desperately want in my life don’t match the reality I’m experiencing?


My name is Riikka Rajamaki – and I’m your companion, and your guide on this journey.

Every miscarriage + abortion changes the course of our lives – and I speak from experience.

I fell pregnant in October 2009.

I’d always known my husband didn’t want children – and deep inside I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough for an abortion. So instead, I began to ask for guidance.

In my deep meditation, I was able to commune with the beyond-beautiful spirit of my baby. During my conversation with her, we agreed that this wasn’t the right time. Not yet. She said she would leave on her own within three days. And she did. On the third night.

You can read the full story here, and listen to an interview where I speak about my miscarriage experience with Randi Buckley, founder + facilitator of Maybe Baby, a program for women on the fence about having children.

After those three days had passed, I was touched by something that I can only describe as larger than myself. I was reminded that energy knows no time or space, and that what I’d thought was incomplete was simply a story in my head. My visitor had a purpose – and she’d completed it. The experience was gentle, and it was profound. It was me that was hurting, broken and confused.

It wasn’t until I saw the bigger picture – the Divine in action within the very core of my being – that I stopped feeling like a victim.

My personal healing has led me to where I am today: a safe place in which I’m able to offer you the opportunity to not only heal + be heard without judgment, but also plug into a deeper truth.

Ultimately, you’ll be able to realize where in your life you’ve lost your focus, and your direct connection to your inner knowing – so that you can more fully realize how you came to feel stuck + unfulfilled.

Introducing . . .

Pearl Quest – Online Course

A Modern Day Medicine Wheel

A 4-month personal journey for women who are ready to rise from the ashes.

This program is not for the faint of heart.

This program is for the heart that knows it’s time.

The Quest has two parts: emptying out + filling up.

. . . Ebb + flow.

. . . Yin + Yang.

Designed to help you find inspiration + reconciliation through nature, art and archetypes . . .

This is a healing journey like no other.

This Program is . . .

. . . a modern-day medicine wheel where women can come to feel + explore their losses

. . . a deep transformation to the other side of grief + confusion

. . . a powerful entry point to new possibilities – beyond limiting beliefs, concepts and conditioning

. . . a chance for you to meet your unborn child’s spirit to gain understanding, wisdom and forgiveness

. . . an opportunity to claim your power in the world

. . . a place to become whole again

. . . a paradigm shifter that will expand your perspective, allowing more light + understanding into your life

. . . an introduction to simple meditation techniques that you can integrate into your daily life

. . . unlike any other retreat you’ve ever experienced

. . . a community of women who are committed to supporting one another to heal and be free – and who are full of the highest + best intentions for every participant

. . . a neutral place to discover your next step as a peaceful, empowered and purposeful woman

. . . highly confidential


This Program is NOT . . .

. . . a lecture or a class in a traditional sense – it requires that you are 100% willing to participate fully

. . . part of any religion, political party, cult or movement – it has no dogma, sense of right or wrong, or a set formula

. . . a place to judge, criticize or blame other participants, even when their choices + belief systems may be radically opposite from yours

. . . able to provide help or support to anyone who is mentally unstable or under medical supervision


Pearl Quest is for you if . . .

§  you’ve had a miscarriage or an abortion

§  you’re ready to start the healing process

§  you feel isolated and alone

§  you’re emotionally spent

§  you’re confused + overwhelmed about how to move forward

§  you feel depressed, have low energy and little interest in life – like something is missing

§  you’re asking: IF everything happens for a reason, what’s the reason for this?

§  you’re blaming yourself – and you’re not able to move beyond the guilt + shame (but would like to)

§  you’re ready + willing to face parts of yourself that are not pretty, comfortable or easy

§  you feel ready to explore the choices (unconscious + conscious) that led you to this place

§  you sense that you’re changing inside, but you lack the tools + the knowledge to allow you to live with + relate to it

§  you want to learn meditation techniques to help you connect with your intuition + unique abilities


What kind of results to expect:

By the end of the program, you may . . .

§  feel lighter – like a heavy load has been taken off your shoulders

§  feel less isolated + lonely, and more empowered through a sense of togetherness, oneness and community with other women

§  have restored faith + trust in yourself

§  feel connected to your True Self, your authentic heart

§  have found peace, closure and a new sense of purpose

And most of all, you’ll have stopped asking “What if?” and started asking “Now what?”

You’ll feel present in your life once more – present to your family + friends, and present as you face your future. Something will have finally clicked inside you, making room for the life that is here + now.

You will have cultivated a new kind of relationship with your unborn child, and raised your understanding + vibration to a level where you can see your experience in a whole new light.

Imagine: A new purpose. A new strength. And a new vision for your life.

And being able to step fully into your wholeness as a woman.

Perhaps you finally say “Yes!” to that new job offer – or that new lover. Perhaps you finally move to a new house, a new town, or even a new country. Perhaps you embrace a new adventure, or return to much-loved hobbies and passions. Perhaps you paint. Perhaps you write a book. Perhaps you sing every day.

The possibilities are limitless.

So, come – I implore you.

It will be good. It will be gentle. It will be Love.


Where & when:

This is an online course so anyone can join anytime, from anywhere in the world.

Each new module is released every other Monday.

Open Council Calls happen about once a month or depending on need.



1.     How many women will be in the program?

Because this is a home-study program, you will be going through it at your own pace at different times, so I can not say how many women are doing it at the same time as you.

2.     Who are the other women in the program?

Any woman from anywhere in the world who has lost an unborn child is invited to participate in this program. Women who understand that growth + healing requires action, bravery and flexibility. Women who will hold compassionate space for themselves, as well as other women in the circle.

3.     I’m a very private person + I’m worried I’ll have to share information that feels too personal. Can I join + not be so open about my personal life? If so, would I still benefit from the program?

Absolutely. All sharing + practices are optional. All ways of being are needed + welcomed to create a balanced circle. The intention is to make everyone feel safe, so that if + when you are inspired to share, the experience is healing + empowering – even for those who tend to be more private.

4.     I experienced many losses, with both a miscarriage + an abortion. Do I need to choose one experience or how do I go about the process?

There is no wrong way to go about this. You may choose one of your experiences, perhaps the earliest one, and use that as the starting point. Or you may choose to focus on the last one. It will be a very organic peeling of layers and, in the end, it really is all about you – and all that you’ve gone through in your life. You may find that all of the experiences have one thing in common and, by releasing that, you’ll be able to address all of your losses simultaneously.

5.     I work during the day + I wouldn’t be able to make any of the calls. Are they recorded?

Yes, all the calls are recorded + sent to you the following day. I’m planning on having one call per month, depending on how many women are on the quest at the same time.

6.     There are no testimonials on this page. Why?

You don’t see any happy faces here yet, because this program has never existed before. It’s been ripening in my creative oven for over two years, and finally being served to you. Picture a white tablecloth, name tags, seven courses, silver spoons, and a dessert menu that makes your mouth water. This is a beta course, which is why it’s being offered this time at a lower price than it will be later on.

7.     How does the program work exactly?

In this creative, deep and unique course you will learn tools like how to move from “Why me?” to “YES, me!” You’ll learn to see your challenges as opportunities for enormous growth, and as a catalyst for change + empowerment. Each week, you’ll peel away a layer that’ll take you closer to your true self – that part of you that understands + sees the bigger picture. Each week, you’ll be guided to consult that part of you, and this process expands your awareness + allows you to unlock your intuitive and creative abilities – including parts of you that have been sitting “at the airport”, waiting for your (delayed) flight to take off.

All the activity happens on a membership site and, after you’ve signed up, you’ll receive an email explaining how to log in and create your password. I recommend adding the sign-up page to your bookmark bar and keeping your log-in information handy for easy access to each of the modules.

It’s recommended that you follow the rhythm of the course + assignments in the order that is given.

You’ll be able to access the material even after the course is over, and continue your journey of self-discovery afterwards, too.

Each (bi-weekly) module includes a new meditation (MP3 audio recording), inspirational images, videos, poetry and journal questions.

There will be plenty of time to allow the intuitive mind to integrate all of the activity from the week, and also to provide time for reflection + new insights.

8.     What is each module about?

This is an outline:

1. Clearing The Space + Opening Circle.  Getting used to the Sacred Land, our online home camp. Finding the allies. 

“This is what the things can teach us: to fall, patiently to trust our heaviness. Even a bird has to do that before he can fly.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

2. Building Foundation. Introduction to the Elements. Basic understanding of chakras and vibration. Connect with your Totem Animal.

It doesn’t interest me if there is one God or many gods. I want to know if you belong or feel abandoned.” – David Whyte

3. Fire, Primal Power and Kali.

Those who will not slip beneath the still surface on the well of grief … will never know the source from which we drink,  the  secret water, cold and clear …” – David Whyte

4. Water, Building Bridges and Quan Yin. Pearl + Pressure. From choice to change.

“I know nothing has ever been real without my beholding it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

5. Earth, Sense of Belonging, Purpose and Goddess Gaia.

“Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong.” – David Whyte

6. Mineral, Beyond Beliefs and Black Madonna.

“…And there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own … determined to save the only life you could  save.” – Mary Oliver

7. Nature, Gratitude and Alchemical Goddess Isis.

“I have plucked out my heart, and have given it to the world; that is my strength.” -Isis

8. Return to the Village + Closing Circle.

“Joy is the serious business of heaven.”  – C.S. Lewis

What will happen after I have made the payment? 

You will receive a welcome email from me with all the information you will need to log in to the membership site and start your personal quest.

I have one more question…

Email riikkaraja@gmail.com and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

The investment for this program:$79.

Please Note: There are no refunds.

If you would like to add ONE-ON-ONE coaching to this course, please contact me for a 30-minute free skype/phone session to find out if this is a good fit for you. 


Guest siSTARS:
As your gift, Stephanie will take you on a movement journey to sense your bodily wisdom. This gentle exploration of our natural and organic movements invites awareness that guides us into deep relationship with our bodies. We will honor our experience in the present moment, giving ourselves permission to move in ways that feel good and authentic, listening to and following our intuitive bodies.

Stephanie Ormsby, based in San Rafael, CA, is a facilitator of the Life/Art Process® in California and Germany, a Tamalpa Graduate, and holds a Masters in Psychology and Communication. She is currently training to be a certified practitioner at the Tamalpa Institute, an internationally renowned movement-based expressive arts therapy training program, founded by dance pioneers Anna and Daria Halprin. MythInMotion.com


As your gift, Emelie will be providing each pearl quest journeyer with a personal animal totem reading so that your wild soul can help guide your experience. We will also get a sneak peak into her process and learn how to connect more meaningfully with our totems through a custom video training, she’s made just for us!

Emelie Archer Pickett is a Fox, paradigm f*cker, poet, and the curator of A Forbidden Life – an online hub for forbidden conversations about sex, intimacy, love, and shamanism. She’s also an animal totem oracle. Want to find out yours and fuel your wild life? Come play with her: your soul totem is waiting!