A LETTER FROM MY UNBORN CHILD
I know you wanted me. I know you had already chosen my name: Kajal. It touches my heart. By the way, I really like the name. I am calling myself that these days.
I have not changed much since you last saw me. I am still pure light. I walk around the existence, and I have to tell you, I see so much beauty, so much potential and so much love everywhere. I do not feel abandoned by you. Here, you know, such a thing does not exist. Here, we talk about agreements. We either have one or we don’t, with certain places, or things or a person. Ours lasted for a short time. You know, as you know, there is no point trying to create something out of alignment. You and I would have been a sweet team, I know. And we were. I think it is only humans in a body that think longer time is somehow better and more meaningful. So much can be transmitted in such a short time.
I came to you for a reason. You called my name, as a matter of fact. It wasn’t like I said to myself out of the blue: Hey let me go and check what Riikka is up to. No. You needed to learn something and you knew I was the one to deliver it. Why would you ever want to feel guilt or shame about such a thing? You wanted to learn something very important. I see so many times where humans in a body call in an experience and then they put no use to it. Instead, they collapse and feel hopeless. Like the loss was some kind of punishment, or a powerless act. Instead, I want to see women digging deeper, and asking themselves meaningful questions. I saw you doing that, but I also remember the moment you wanted to shrink and blame your friend. Remember that? But in the end, you chose love. You chose me. You chose to hear me, and listen what I had to say. Remember what I said? I said: I am not here to cause confusion, I’m here to create clarity.
We don’t just show up to your experience, we actually deliver a message. Then it is up to you to use it. So many women do not. You grieve us. Or yourself. Which is fine and beautiful and useful, because it heals the heart. But after a certain time, you need to stand up. Create beauty and medicine out of it. It is something for you to discover but if I may, I will say this: any painful experience is like a finger pointing to the moon. You can either get stuck staring at the finger and where the finger is attached to, or you can look up and see the moon. And guess what, Mama (haha, I knew that word would make you smile)? The moon reflects back. It always does. When you see the moon shining across the water, it builds a bridge. Back to you. It shines light on all parts of you, even the parts that aren’t pretty.
So all I’m saying is that I know it ripped your heart a part to let me go. I remember the moment when you thought, just for few seconds, that you would keep me. And the rage that your friend felt dismantled your soul. But I also know that without this meeting, you would not have seen the side of your own beauty, because it was resting in the darkness. It was resting in a place of resistance and pain and denial. Yes, denial.
I love you. I just want to say that again: I LOVE YOU. Here we do not really use those terms, but I know it would mean a lot to you to hear those words. Here, everything just is. You know, it is not “all good” here either, but our principles and agreements are simpler. There are many dark places too, where complications happen, but where I am, it is light. I’m watching where I am needed and there I go.
I will not forget you. I can not promise that we will ever meet again because that is not only up to me. If I had one wish for you Mama, this is it: watch your thoughts. You create everything from the vibration you hold, and knowing you, your thoughts can drop you, and then I hate to see you depressed. You are part of the Source light, so please do not deny it. Tell that to others as well. Because they forget. We all forget sometimes. Know that I am not far, I am inside your experience, your reality, and I keep holding your hand so we can do the work, okay? There is a lot of work to be done. I know you know. But do not collapse, because you have chosen to listen. And to respond to what you hear.
Go now, Mama. Be happy. It is who you came there to be.
© Riikka Rajamaki